Thursday, July 16, 2009


I need to get a grip. I have lost everything and regained it back.
My one cheat day turned into three. And then, I convinced myself I was going to get better. I should have known, Ana would always come back.
As much as I tried to push her away by eating, I was still hungry and it took me three days to realize I was hungry for the emptiness, craving that hollow feeling. I have that feeling now and it's amazing.
I only gained one pound, not sure why though. I was eating non-stop, even when I wasn't hungry. But now that stops, again. The empty feeling feels absolutely amazing, it lifts my spirits higher and lets me know that I can still go back.

I'm not even sure what normal portion sizes are anymore. Was I eating normally? Too much? Too little (as if that's possible) ?

Anyway, thanks Cat and 24 for your comments. I don't feel as if I deserved Ana the past couple of days but we have reunited and I am back, hopefully much stronger. Your comments have also helped me comeback, regain the strength to remain empty.

Anyway, nothing new for now. I am not eating...just drinking lots of water (i've been suffering from headaches) and fidgeting a lot. Fidgeting (bouncing your foot up and down, tapping your fingers, etc) burns up to EIGHT HUNDRED calories a day. I don't do it nearlye nough to burn that many, but it's still inspiring.

Don't worry...I am back fro good and stronger than ever.


stay empty....

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