Sunday, July 19, 2009

Thinspiration Please!

Everybody who reads this...I want you to leave a comment with some thinspiration! I don't have nearly enough and I need something to stop me from eating!

Pictures of skinny women (or fat ones) reasons, tips, results, feelings, etc. I want it all! I need thinspiration right now because I CANNOT EAT!

I refuse!

hopefully going to not eat for a week....Maybe some soymilk or juice...but NO SOLID FOODS (if i can help it. I can't get caught though, so I will eat if my parents of friends make me)

Anyway, that's all I have for now. Please, give me some thinspiration!!


stay empty...

Thursday, July 16, 2009


I need to get a grip. I have lost everything and regained it back.
My one cheat day turned into three. And then, I convinced myself I was going to get better. I should have known, Ana would always come back.
As much as I tried to push her away by eating, I was still hungry and it took me three days to realize I was hungry for the emptiness, craving that hollow feeling. I have that feeling now and it's amazing.
I only gained one pound, not sure why though. I was eating non-stop, even when I wasn't hungry. But now that stops, again. The empty feeling feels absolutely amazing, it lifts my spirits higher and lets me know that I can still go back.

I'm not even sure what normal portion sizes are anymore. Was I eating normally? Too much? Too little (as if that's possible) ?

Anyway, thanks Cat and 24 for your comments. I don't feel as if I deserved Ana the past couple of days but we have reunited and I am back, hopefully much stronger. Your comments have also helped me comeback, regain the strength to remain empty.

Anyway, nothing new for now. I am not eating...just drinking lots of water (i've been suffering from headaches) and fidgeting a lot. Fidgeting (bouncing your foot up and down, tapping your fingers, etc) burns up to EIGHT HUNDRED calories a day. I don't do it nearlye nough to burn that many, but it's still inspiring.

Don't worry...I am back fro good and stronger than ever.


stay empty....

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Cheat Days

Everybody's got to have them at some point. Well, maybe not the strongest of the strong, but I do anyway. And better to have ONE cheat day (aka eat normal) than to have a huge binge sometime later.

Today was a cheat day, and I actually don't feel too bad. It was all healthy, it wasn't like I had tons of junk food. And that should get my metabolism up and running for the next few days, which is going to be about 550 calories a day of yogurt and fruit and granola and things...along with tons of excercising. After that I'll fast for maybe three days, go back to the 'Organic Diet' and depending on my weight then I'll either continue with Organic Diet and fast again, or have another Cheat Day.

Today I was 115 again. Not bad, considering I ate. I'm also naturally blessed with a fast metabolism so it makes it easier to not gain weight when I eat, just stay around 115.

Along with the Organic Diet, I am going to start making sure I am healthy and clean and pure on the inside and out. That means becoming more obsessive and controlling over drinking eight cups of water a day, so I get nice skin AND flush out toxins. Also, my multi-vitamin everyday, obviously, and washing my face twice a day, brushing my teeth extra hard and flossing, mouthwash, etc. Maybe I'll start Yoga too, that's supposed to be relaxing AND a good way to burn calories and get fit. Also just trying to relax more. It's summer, and I really need to stop worrying about everything and just chill. Relax, calm down, and stick to a healthy organic LOW CALORIE diet. No more junk food for me until I've lost at least five pounds.

I pledge to treat my body with respect from now on, and then maybe it will cooperate when I try to lose weight. And I might be happier with a healthier life-style.

Thanks for listening guys!


stay empty...

Thursday, July 9, 2009


First off, thank you Cat for your comments. I agree it was totally inappropriate and unprofessional for her to be talking about me like that.

Second off, today I am going to talk about what is ABSOLUTELY necessary so we do not die. If you die from Ana, then you were not strong enough. Being strong is finding the right combination; living with the disease but not dying from it. So here are some things to help you stay healthy AND skinny:

-WATER- we need water to survive. If you are scared of water weight, you're just stupid and you WILL die. It has zero calories, and drinking cold water BURNS calories. And since we get a lot of water in food, when we stop eating we get dehydrated. Dehydrated means DEAD. So drink up!

-Vitamins and Minerals. Take a muti-vitamin every day. I mean it. It can act as an appetite suppressent to reduce cravings, which is good in itself, but also if you want to look REALLY good, you need to be goreous AND skinny. The way to do this is get enough vitamins. They will keep your skin, hair, and teeth nice.

-Protein. You NEED protein, especially if you excercise. Some good protein sources with minimal calories are unsalted, unflavored almonds and other nuts. Also soymilk is a great source, and if you look at one of my earlier posts, called soymilk (June), you will see all the other great things soymilk does for you. I could live off soymilk (and at times I do!)

So those are the NECESSASRY THINGS. Obviously a certain amount of food is necessary too, but I'll let you guys figure that out on your own for now. Eat to live, but don't live to eat.

thanks again Cat for your comments!


stay empty...

Party and Parents

The party was extremely difficult. I was surrounded by Cheetos, Doritos, Pizza, and Brownies. How much does the world hate me?

NOT TO MENTION that my parents have been getting on my case, asking me what I know about eating disorders, saying I've lost weight, buying me crap to eat. It's awful ESPECIALLY since I've been eating like a PIG and they have NO RIGHT to worry!!!!

AND my teacher brought my name up in a conversation about Ana. Someone told me about it.

WHAT???? WHY???? I am a healthy 115 pounds (thats my weight after the party; i only gained one pound thankfully!)

but I mean, why do they NOT notice when I'm fasting and shrinking down to 108, but then when I'm eating and 114 or 115, they notice notice notice.

Anyway I had to eat normal at the party, because I couldn't afford to have another person get on my case. So I consumed about 1000 delicious calories that I COULDNT EVEN PUKE!

They were delicious but added to the blubber that surrounds my stomach, legs, soft double chin, arms, EVERYTHING!

I must get them off. I'll go to the gym and bike for an hour and a half or so...its so much easier than running and tones your legs. Running burns more calories quicker and is ultimately better and maybe I'll run for fifteen minutes or so, but I enjoy biking more. I can bring a book and read!

must go now...right away


stay empty....

Monday, July 6, 2009


Okay so I am terrified my hair is going to fall out from purging so much! And that my teeth will rot...and various other things.

Apparently those all happen.

I used to say that none of the negative side affects would ever happen to me because I wasn't that bad....i didnt have a real problem so i wasn't at risk.

But I am....i purge a lot. I like to eat, I love the feeling of eating.

i can't just not eat and it's awful.

I went to the gym today....its awful. I want to be skinny! Why can't I just be skinny and tiny???

I'm having a small party tommorow night...which is sure to make for an interesting post. Especially since party means junk food. I'm not to be trusted with junk food...i love to eat.

So I'll let you know how that goes.

Thanks to my first comment from 24, thanks so much lovelie! Good luck to you too! You have given me thinspiration!


stay empty